It is my hope that those who read my blog, book, or attend my classes, find found a communication skill or technique to implement. Maybe it’s remembering names, listening more thoughtfully, being more concise, saying no to stereotypes, or being more persuasive. Regardless of what your specific goal is, how can you ensure that it becomes a lifestyle change and not a fad diet?
Start Small
Have you highlighted a particular portion or portions of my book? Focus on one behavior at a time. When that change becomes an automatic habit, you can focus on the next. What small goals can you set and track to reach your current big goal? You may wish to review Self-Motivation for Successful Leaders and follow the if-then planning process.
The American Psychological Association recommends thinking of change “not as a resolution but as an evolution.” Real change requires time and support.
Allow for Errors
Our brains don’t fully develop until we’re 25. What happens before that developmental milestone may impact us profoundly. If you’ve been struggling with a pattern of behavior that you’ve dealt with your entire life, you can’t expect perfect adherence to a new pattern overnight. Be kind to yourself. Recognize any progress. DON’T EVER GIVE UP.
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”—Confucius
Be Adaptable
The business environment is changing faster than ever. If cultural expectations shift or your life changes, expect change. Expect to struggle with communication when you’re stressed.
Be Honest with Yourself
Do you take out frustration on someone close to you? In work relationships, just as in personal ones, we can take each other for granted. We may put on our best behavior for customers and strangers and treat those we see daily poorly. Psychotherapist Tristan Coopersmith, says this is because we’re “falling victim to routines and skipping over the things that really water our love. Essentially a relationship is like a garden, if you water it, it grows, if you don’t, it withers.”
Hold a state of the union address at work. Ask for honest feedback.
Get Support
Share your goal with a trusted co-worker. This will keep you accountable and increase your odds of success. Share this book with them or show them your if-then plan.
A little support can help you reach your next target. If you want to speak more confidently in meetings, ask someone you trust to observe you. Have them tell you in private if you apologized for your idea, downplayed it, or if you presented it concisely and listened to feedback with an open mind.
In some cases support of a psychologist trained to understand your particular behavioral pattern may be recommended. Even just a few sessions might help you get past emotional issues that are getting in your way.
Evaluate and Celebrate
Gradual change may be hard to recognize, but acknowledging your achievements increases self-respect, happiness, and confidence. When done regularly, these positive emotions promote psychological well-being, resilience, and can even extend your life span.
Identify early success, even small ones. Seek evidence of milestones. Learn to accept compliments. Keep track of your achievements. Looking back on a journal of the good things you’ve done can buoy you up in times of self-doubt.
Most of us find it easier to recall disappointment. Consider keeping two journals, one for the good, and the other for the bad. When they’re full, literally throw away the bad and keep the good.
Marquita Herald of Emotionally Resilient Living says, “In the end, it’s not the size of the celebration that counts what’s important is acknowledging that you are growing and creating your best life.”
