I am awkward. And clumsy. I really have to put on a show at networking events because I often feel out of place, uncomfortable and just plain shy. But if I can do it, you can, too!
It’s okay to fake it until you feel it. Whether it’s a networking event, conference, or social occasion, these tips will ensure you have more successful first meetings.
Before you Go
Eat a small snack. Brush your teeth. If you feel awkward around people you don’t know, chances are eating in front of them will make it more awkward. Unless a sit-down meal is being served, you don’t need to eat at events. Don’t have too much caffeine, that plus adrenaline ensures you will fidget or even shake.
If you spill your food/drink, don’t wear white. White dress and red tea? Guaranteed to spill. (Or is that just me?)
Wear something professional, something that makes you feel confident. If you get sweaty when nervous, don’t select a garment that will show sweat stains. Check yourself in a full-length mirror. Give yourself a pep talk right in front of that mirror. Bonus points if you say it aloud.
Stand Up Straight
Grandma knew what she was talking about. Posture has been referred to as the biggest barometer of success. The way you look and the way you move comprises eighty percent of someone’s first impression! Walk in the room with your head up, confident smile, and direct gaze. Intense eye contact gives the impression of intelligence. A confident smile invites conversation.
Invite Conversation
If you are a reserved person, get people to come up to you. Wear something so interesting that people can’t help, but compliment you or ask what it is. I have a beautiful hand-beaded name tag that garners compliments at every networking event. A unique piece of jewelry, bold tie, or handbag could do the trick.
When someone approaches, don’t just turn your head. Give a full body turn toward them (not too abruptly), reward their approach by giving your full attention. If you’re in a group, take a small step back so there’s room for them to join. If you’re not eating, offer a firm handshake and smile.
Feeling bold? Seek out conversations by noticing the artifacts of others. A golf pin? A school ring? There’s your opener. Simply say, “I couldn’t help, but notice…”
Master Small Talk
Before you attend an event, listen to the news, or pick up a book. Have some juicy tidbit to add to the conversation or a question to ask (nothing too controversial). Pick something appropriate for your audience. Working with kids? They laugh every time I share that turtles can breathe through their butt. A room of accountants might rather be asked about the newest tax law change. SHRM event? Inquire if they’ve had success using social media for recruitment.
Consider what questions you may be asked. Will they say, “What’s new?” prepare a brief remark about a current project, family news, or an upcoming trip. Take my advice to Be More Interesting. Then ask about their news.
If you will be meeting many new people, expect to be asked, “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” Research the city you were born in or grew up in. Find an interesting fact to share to help the conversation continue beyond a one word answer. Otherwise your conversation partner might stall out trying to think of something to say next.
The First Words
Any subject is fair game and it is okay to start with the weather, the food, or the atmosphere, but keep it positive! Complain at a first meet and you may forever be labeled a whiner.
Whatever topic of conversation comes up first, remember it’s not so much about the words, but the mood and flow. A good manager knows she needs to meet her employees’ conversation needs, whether the employee is more relationship-oriented or task-oriented. Look for these clues at the first meet. What is their pace? Are they talking about people or projects?
If there is an influencer you’d like to meet, approach the event organizer and ask them about the person. When you approach say, “Hello there. Are you Bethany? Gina was just telling me how much you like to write.” Conversely, if you’re doing the introduction, always add a remarkable fact about the newcomer to the group. “This is Sheila, she likes to canoe and has a Labrador retriever that would play fetch until exhaustion.”
Choose your Seat
If you’re attending a meal or lecture, your seat choice impacts the professional value of the event. At either event, try not to sit by people you already know. This ensures you meet someone new.
At a lecture, sit up front! You’ll hear better, be less distracted, more likely to comment and ask questions, and get a chance to meet the speaker.
At a meal, deliberately choose a table that is nearly full and do so relatively quickly. Leave a visible artifact on the table or chair, a notebook is a good choice. If you don’t choose soon enough you’ll find yourself at table thirteen from the “Wedding Singer” movie (the misfits who don’t quite belong anywhere else). Of course, we can learn something from everyone, but if we’re going for business reasons, we should be objective. Who here might be able to connect me with that prospective client? Who can I help?
Keep it Going
If conversation stalls, you need not be overly concerned about how to change the topic. Simple say, “by the way…” If you notice body language cues that your conversation partner is done talking, don’t overstay your welcome. Thank them for their time and mention that you wanted to catch “so and so” before you go.
Do This Before you Forget!
After an event, jot down a few quick notes about the people you met. You can write on the back of their business card. It’s important to do this that evening or the next morning while the conversations are still fresh in your mind.
Write down any personal details they offered, such as his spouse’s name and his children’s names and ages. Note any likes or dislikes, hobbies, or their favorite food. This information will make it easier to write a follow up note or email. Watch for an upcoming blog on handwritten notes.
