“I started figure skating at the age of five, and the first thing my coach taught me was how to fall. I remember gazing up with a puzzled expression, thinking, Shouldn’t I be learning to skate? Looking back, I realize that my coach was very smart. She knew I was bound to fall many times throughout my career and that I’d need to learn how to handle it.”
– Michelle Kwan[i]
I hate to fail. I don’t even like to try new things if there’s a risk I won’t be successful immediately. This is a dangerous mindset. Failure is crucial to success!
In researching how to combat my own perfectionism, I find, again and again, experts recommend learning to accept failure and mistakes. (Yes, I researched how not to be a perfectionist. What a perfectionist thing to do.)
Failure is inevitable, especially when taking big risks. Failure is a meaningful and beneficial part of the entrepreneurial journey. Recognize that failure is part of the process before you begin. Go into risk with the objective of learning.
Success Comes from Failure
Fear of starting something new means you miss the opportunity for success, too. Allow curiosity to drive you. Even if you fail, you know you tried. You won’t suffer from regret or the fear of missing out.
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred with dust and sweat; who strives valiantly, who errs and may fall again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming.”
Theodore Roosevelt
Failure is not quitting. Failure is falling but getting back up. Each failure will make failure easier. The experts who tell me to let go of my perfectionism continue to reassure me that this is true.
I wish I tried my hand at things I was afraid of sooner rather than later. I just hit 200 days in a row of practicing Spanish. Learning a new language means lots of failure and many mistakes. Despite my wounded pride when I trip over my own tongue, I wish I started sooner. Why didn’t I learn in school? Why didn’t I learn when I went to Mexico when I was 17? Why didn’t I learn when my sister moved to Panama? Why did I wait until now, when I’m returning to Panama for the fourth time?
Don’t let the fear of failure turn you into a procrastinator. Don’t be the person who finds themself in old age and wonders why they didn’t ever start their own business, write a book, or run a marathon. Try something new today.
Failure is a Memorable Teacher
Even if you fail, you’re learning. Those who don’t try, don’t learn. Embrace each failure as a lesson.
Figure out what went wrong. How can you do it differently next time? Don’t make excuses or dwell in negative thoughts. You are not a failure. You just learned a way that doesn’t work.
Try Rejection Therapy
Jia Jiang’s 100 days of rejection therapy inspired me to be bolder in asking for things. I first came across a video of him asking a donut shop to make donuts that looked like the Olympic rings. He got a yes. He made 100 ridiculous requests and got a yes 51 times!
The donut shop video earned over 5,000,000 views in the first two weeks. Today, Jiang is a top keynote speaker on emotional intelligence and overcoming rejection. He thought if he heard enough no’s he’d develop a thicker skin. Being less afraid of rejection, he was emboldened to ask for more in life.
Jia Jiang asked and received:[ii]
- Asked a stranger if he could fly his airplane (with no experience)
- Knocked on a stranger’s front door to ask if he could play soccer in his backyard
- Pulled over a police officer to ask if he could sit in his front seat and act like he was driving
| Resource: Watch the Ted Talk: What I learned from 100 days of rejection by Jia Jiang at: https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection |
Remember that rejection is not about you. It might be them, the timing, or circumstances. Keep asking until you get a yes. In his TED Talk, Jia recommends building trust by assuaging doubt. He says to mention the doubt before you ask the question. He says, “Don’t run.” Even if you initially get a no, ask, “Why?” They may point you in the direction of someone who will say, “Yes!”
[i] Reader’s Digest, 08-2018. 8 Life Lessons That Lasted. p.61.
[ii] Fast Company. 2020. What I Learned From 100 Days Of Rejection. [online] Available at: <https://www.fastcompany.com/3045858/what-i-learned-from-100-days-of-rejection> [Accessed 9 April 2020].
