According to a poll by the writers of Crucial Accountability: Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior, 93 percent of people daily work with a person they find difficult.
Nobody holds the person accountable because other employees think it is too dangerous. And sometimes they got where they are by behaving badly!
The writers of the aforementioned book did an experiment with people waiting in line. No one spoke up when someone cut in line. They staged an accountability conversation that went something like, “Perhaps you’re unaware; we’ve been standing in line for over 30 minutes.”
After witnessing the desired result (the cutter moved to the back of the line), 80% of research subjects spoke up when someone cut in front of them. All they needed was the script!
Do you as a leader hold others accountable?
Avoiding Accountability Conversations
Joe Navarro’s says in his book, What Every Body is Saying, that our most likely response to stress is to freeze. Most of us do nothing. We let others cut in line. If we avoid having an accountability conversation we’re likely to act out our displeasure later.
Many resort to passive aggressive behavior. Instead of telling someone we were waiting for 30 minutes, a passive-aggressive person will seek revenge. They get back by “forgetting” to do something, turning in assignments late, or “accidentally” not meeting standards, quotas, or tolerance. Of course, this doesn’t fix the problem or even let the offender know they did anything wrong.
If we don’t speak up when we should our conscience may nag at us. A passive individual may even suffer physically, enduring digestive distress or sleeplessness. We tell ourselves that silence is more certain, that the risk of speaking up is too high, or that we’re hopeless. We tell ourselves that it’s really not that bad. Don’t ignore bad behavior.
Should I Confront?
You can only change yourself. You might become more persuasive leader, but you cannot actually change someone else.
Are you addressing the right problem? What are the odds that the same issue will come up again? Determine whether it is necessary to address the problem.
Is someone costing you time or money? Causing you or someone else extra work? Interfering with customer perception of the organization? Harming persons or possessions? If you answered yes, it may be time for a confrontation.
If it’s not likely that you will have to work with them again or that the situation will come up again, it may be okay to avoid the conversation.
Can you forgive and forget? Truly letting it go forever? If not, you need to go talk to them. If you can’t go talk to them, you need to forgive and forget. If you can’t forgive and forget, you need to go talk to them. Those are your only two choices.
Consider your timing. A heated moment is not the right time to speak. Crucial Accountability says, “Speed rarely leads to careful thought.” Take a moment to distill the real issues. Don’t just address what’s easy, convenient, or obvious. Address what’s important.
Think about how this will sound from their perspective. Will they take things out of proportion? If possible, build common ground first. Highlight a mutual goal, to fix a performance problem for example. Make them feel safe first. Then proceed.
Be Direct
The first time a problem occurs may be the best time to address it. So expectations are clear, state what happened and what your expectation is for future behavior. Do this privately, but soon after the event.
If it happens again address the pattern. The problem is now a violation of a promise. Try, “This is the second time. You agreed it wouldn’t happen again. I’m concerned that I can’t rely on you to keep your word.”
If the problem continues, the relationship needs to be addressed. You risk becoming a nag and trust in them is lost. A healthy workplace requires trust and promises kept.
*Watch for a future blog on the Four Part Assertion Message for more tips on asking for a change in behavior.
When Something “Comes Up”
Promises, trust, predictability, these are the foundations of solid working relationships. When projects suffer from an unmet promise, trust is destroyed. What do you do if something “comes up?” Something will come up. It always does.
A company with a track record of letting things “come up,” breaking promises, and ignoring consequences, is a miserable place to work. Try this phrasing, “If something comes up, please let me know as soon as possible.”
Let employees know that you want them to focus on getting the job done. At the same time, acknowledge that things do come up. Letting the supervisor know immediately means they won’t have a bigger surprise at the deadline. Sometimes extenuating circumstances void previous production plans.
Broken Record
If you find yourself having the same accountability conversation over and over again, either they won’t change, or you’re not addressing the right issues. Decide which scenario it is before you proceed.
