Why Give Compliments
Positive feedback motivates, balances out criticism, bolsters esteem, and may prevent an employee from giving up. Compliments bridge the gap between where we are and where we’d like to be. They convey respect, the cornerstone of a healthy working relationship.
Compliments require humility from the giver and raise up the recipient. It feels good to give a compliment, too. A compliment is a gift. Give them regularly, and you’ll get in the habit of looking for the good. As leaders, you’ll see more good.
Have we Overpraised?
No. Sure, there may be a few parents who went too far in congratulating their child for everything they’ve done. But for the most part, we don’t give enough compliments. Leaders have a tendency to only notice when things go wrong. Pay attention to how many times you complain at work and at home. When was the last time you gave a compliment?
6Ss to Giving a Professional Compliment
- Sherlock. The first step in giving a compliment is to find a reason. Be Sherlock Holmes-level observant and fully present, and this step won’t take long.
- Small. If you’re a novice complimenter, start small. The Sherlock in you will notice someone who keeps an immaculate work area or an employee who is always on time. Seek out skills, traits, and behaviors that reflect the organization’s mission, vision, and values.
- Sincere. Don’t be a brown-noser. Avoid the trap through sincerity. Don’t give compliments simply to get a sale. Mention how their efforts benefited you personally. Try, “I really appreciate your attention to detail. Because you covered every base, all I had to do was show up and do my job. Thank you!”
- Specific. Specificity demonstrates genuineness and keeps you judicious enough not to overdo it. Parents who make comments like, “you’re so smart” and “you’re so special” all the time breed lost adults. A meaningful professional compliment will be related to a specific business objective, task, or skill. Talents worth mentioning need the proper framing.
- Secret. Don’t toot anyone’s horn when others are present. The receiver isn’t likely to question the purity of your motives, but others might. Especially if it is your superior or you are concerned that others might think you’re trying to elevate one person over another, give your praise in private.
- Swift. In training my dog, I learned I must give her a treat as soon as she completes a desired behavior. If I wait, she doesn’t know why she’s being rewarded. Even if your compliment is in writing or if youhave time to deliver it privately, never allow too much time to pass.
Compliment Others, Grow Yourself
Look at recognizing excellence in others as an exercise in self-awareness and personal development. Identifying and articulating things you appreciate facilitates self-improvement. Speed the process by following a sincere, specific compliment with a question. For example, “You build rapport with new clients so quickly and it looks effortless. May I ask, what helps you find a common ground?” or “You kept everyone on task without coming across as a dictator. What’s your secret for earning the respect of your crew?”
Leil Lowndes, in her book How to Talk to Anyone, recommends not giving a naked introduction. When introducing one person to another, do so in a complimentary way? (Yes, I know I just suggested private compliments, but we’re assuming here that this is a new employee or outside the workplace.) Public compliments show that you are proud of your team and not afraid to let others know.
Secondhand compliments paint all parties in a beautiful professional glow. When writing a thank you note after an event include something positive you heard someone else say about the organizer. For example, “My tablemate at lunch couldn’t stop raving about how applicable Susan’s breakout sessions were to her job.”
Traps to Avoid
Be wary of the backhanded compliment. This is a misnomer. Backhanded compliments are thinly veiled insults. We’ve all heard them:
- “You’re too smart for your own good.”
- “I’m really impressed you’ve held a job for more than 6 months.”
- “You look pretty good considering your age.”
Avoid this passive-aggressive complimenting tendency by resisting the urge to add modifiers to the original compliment. Never follow a compliment with “but.”
Start Today
Challenge yourself to give a compliment each day this week. Compliment a loved one, co-worker/employee, a service provider, a young persona, and a complete stranger. Let me know how it goes in the comments below.
